This article will explain what a love language is and how to use love languages to improve all your relationships. Wouldn’t you like better dating relationships or friendships? How about a healthier marriage? Sound good? Then read on!
What are the 5 Love Languages?
The concept comes out of a book called The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman.
The book describes how each person experiences love in a specific way. It further says that there are five different ways people experience love. These different ways are called “love languages”. If someone has a preferred way of receiving love, but the people around them love them in ways that are different from this, they often feel unloved.
The Five Love Languages are listed here:
- Words of Affirmation-giving kind words that build someone up. Truly honest compliments are what is needed not flattery.
- Quality Time-giving someone your undivided attention. This means putting the phone away and staying focussed on the other person. People with this love language prefer communication where both parties are looking at each other. Try and really listen and empathize with the person with this love language to really give them what they need.
- Gifts-giving something the person can hold in their hand. Thoughtful gifts which show you know the person well speak loudly here. For example, if you give flowers, make sure they are the favorite flower and colour of the receiver.
- Acts of Service-doing things for the other you know they would really like you to do. Examples of this include cooking dinner and cleaning the house. Interestingly, for a lot of women, this is a predominant love language.
- Physical touch-this is self-explanatory. It includes things like holding hands, hugs, kisses, and neck massages. For couples this includes sex.
How Do I Find Out What My Love Language Is?
There is a FREE test online, http://www.5lovelanguages.com/. If you prefer not to do the test, you can likely guess which one is yours from some of the hints above. It is not uncommon to have two love languages.
How Do I Apply the Concept of Love Languages to Get Better Relationships?
Find out what your inner circle’s love languages are, then go ahead and start loving them based on their love language. Also, communicate with your inner circle what your love language is so that they can be mindful of loving you this way. You will see the magic of how this works to bring more love into your life and into all of your relationships. For more tips, I strongly recommend reading the 5 Love Languages book, which you can grab here.
Practical Example From My Own Life
My love languages are words of affirmation and physical touch. My husband is the same so we can naturally fill each other’s love tanks as we understand how to express and receive love in the same way. My mom’s love languages are gifts and acts of service. For many years neither of us felt deeply loved by the other. She gave me gifts I did not want and I seldom gave gifts to her. Until I learned the concept of love languages I did not understand how to love my mom according to her love language. I affirmed her and hugged her (which were my love languages) but this left her love tank empty. Since I learned about love languages, I am intentional giving her gifts and acts of service regularly, and we have a much, much, more loving relationship.
Every person has a preferred way of giving and receiving love, called a love language. There are five love languages. If you love a person in ways that affirm their primary love language they will feel deeply loved by you and your relationship will improve.
Let Me Know
Please tell me your love language in the comments below. If you have a story about how you learned about love languages and how you applied it, please also tell me about it.
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