Did you know respect is a core emotional need for Christian husbands? If you want a happier Christian relationship with your husband try these six ways to meaningfully show him more respect. Do it and watch the joy in your marriage grow.
Where the Concept about Husbands Having a Core Need for Respect Comes From
There is a popular Christian book called Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, which delves into the psychology of core needs of men and women in Christian marriage.
Basically, the premise of the book is derived from Ephesians 5:33 (NIV) “However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself and the wife must respect her husband.” He expounds on the psychology, anecdotes from marriage counseling and some research to elaborate in the book.
The book link is below:
Why This Book is Great for Women with Trust Issues
I read this book a year before I ever met my husband. I am from a family where everyone is in abusive relationships, is divorced or never married. Understandably then, for the first 30 years of my life, I seriously avoided the mere idea of marriage. It looked like a fast ticket to misery based on my family experience.
I was happy (thank you very much) to take care of myself. Since age 16 I had been taking the role of “man of the house” since my home was highly dysfunctional. Being the parent in my home from age 16 meant paying the rent and feeding the family. The idea of relying on and trusting someone enough to take care of me was absolutely terrifying…since I had never in this physical life experienced a person/parent I could depend on that way. Even trusting God was very hard for me….and if you don’t trust you don’t submit. As God mercifully broke me down on many things in my early forties, I learned to trust Him more and I wanted to learn about a new way to do relationships with men.
My Initial Reaction When I Read This Book
As I started to read the first few chapters, frankly, I was offended. I thought the author must be very hypersensitive and a bit of a baby needing his wife to tiptoe around his ego. My literal thinking when reading it was “buddy, you need to grow a pair…”
Anyways, thankfully at the time, I was in a church group with a number of other adult Christian singles. When I asked the men about the things I read, I expected them to laugh and say the guy was oversensitive……but instead, they said he was right on. When I met my husband and then my father-in-law, I asked them about the need for men to feel respected the way this book described. I was blown away to discover men really needed to feel respect in a variety of ways to feel happy and loved in a relationship. This was a real thing.
The Journey to Respect My Man Properly
Can I say I easily went from a self-willed independent lioness to a gentle submitted wife? Absolutely not. Kudos to my husband he was not scared off by how wildly independent I appeared to be when he met me. I have gradually learned to be intentional about letting Peter lead. He is submitted to God, and God has instructed him to be the head of our household. So, I am growing in following the godly pattern of marriage.
The Six Ways Your Husband Needs to Feel Respect for a Happier Relationship
Are you ready to try this out, ladies? There is way more information in the book Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs. I urge you to buy it if you have not read it yet. Be authentic in how you affirm your husband, don’t fake it!
1. Value His Work and Let Him Know You Do
-Praise him for his work
-Listen to his work stories attentively
-Let him dream with you about achieving goals in his work
-Don’t ever mock or put down his work
2. Verbalize Your Recognition of How He Provides for You and Protects You
-Let him know where you admire him for these things
-Let him know you don’t take his provision or protection for granted
-Don’t grumble or complain about how he provides for your family
-Don’t ridicule him (even in jest), especially not publicly
-Don’t disagree with him in front of the kids
-If you have a different opinion on something, quietly and respectfully raise it with him in private
3. Let Him Lead
-Seek his opinion before making major decisions and take his advice (that was a hard one for me in early marriage 😊)
-Let him have the final say on decisions
-Praise him for good decisions
-Be gracious with bad decisions
-Be very careful about criticism. Men often perceive it as disrespectful contempt. Watch your tone.
4. Appreciate His Innate Desire to Fix Things:
-Let him fix things
-Praise him for fixing things
-Let him know up front when you just want an ear for your feelings and don’t want to be fixed
-Recognize your vulnerabilities around other men and his desire to protect you and let him know you appreciate his protection
5. Be His Friend
-Join him in recreational activities he enjoys as a friend (my hubby loves frisbee)
-Go to events he loves to do just to watch him from the stands (?hockey)
-Give him time alone when he needs it
-Give him time with the boys when he needs it too
6. Appreciate His Sexual Needs
-Recognize men need sexual release the same way women need an emotional release, it is VERY important in a healthy marriage
-Don’t withhold sex as emotional manipulation ploy
-Respond to and enjoy his sexual advances
-Occasionally initiate sex
-Make sure a fulfilling sex life is a priority for both of you, don’t let it get squeezed out.
The book Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs by Eggerichs rocked the Christian marriage world by suggesting men have different core emotional needs in marriage. The whole premise is based on Ephesians 5:33. It basically states that men have a core need in marriage for respect and women likewise have a core need for love. This article gives 6 tips on how to give your husband what he needs in terms of respect to feel fulfilled in your Christian marriage.
Let Me Know Please
Have you read the book? What was your experience? Please leave me a comment below.
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