Let’s be honest, dating is challenging for many people. If you are single, Christian and introverted it can be daunting indeed. This post gives 10 Christian dating tips for introverts to make dating much easier.
What are Introverts and Extroverts?
Contrary to popular belief, being an introvert does NOT mean you are shy or you hate people. Introversion relates to how you replenish your energy when you are tired. When an introvert is depleted of energy, they need time alone to build back up their energy.
By contrast, extroverts need to be with other people to build back up their energy. When they are totally depleted they seek out others.
It is possible to be a shy extrovert or a bold introvert. The definition of either hinges on where one goes to replenish energy.
Introverts tend to be thoughtful and prefer quiet environments. Extroverts tend to speak much more and like louder environments.
About half the population are introverts. Yet, many introverts do not embrace their true identity. This is because often the extroverted world has attributed a lot of negative characteristics (untrue for the most part!) to introversion. If you want to read more about the (wonderful) world of introverts please read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.
Why a Post on Christian Dating Tips for Introverts?
Introverts tend to be pressured to conform to extrovert norms, even in dating. Trying to conform to an extroverted world is very detrimental to an introvert. This post gives practical advice about how to set appropriate boundaries for dating while introverted. It further identifies ways Christian introverts can meet potential dates. Meeting new people can be a challenge for introverts.
Dating Tips for Christian Introverts
1) Before you start dating, pray.
Prayerfully bring your desire for a Christian spouse to the Lord. Be clear what qualities you would like in a Godly spouse. Ask God to give you crystal clarity with any potential dates about whether this is someone He wants you to date. Also, ask the Lord to bring you to the places to meet the person He picks for you.
2) Let your closest friends and family know you are open to dating.
Those who know and love you best will be on the lookout for someone who is matched to you. For a Christian introvert, this is a good way to meet a suitable dating partner.
3) Consider dating a friend.
Is there someone already in your friendship circle that you have overlooked? This can be a good source of quality dating partners for introverts.
4) Manage your energy carefully when dating.
Be honest with yourself about how much alone time you need and how long your dates should be. Consider where would be an ideal location for you to go on dates (see #8 below for some suggestions). Also, prepare yourself for first dates. First dates for an introvert can be incredibly stressful. Be respectful of your own energy needs and schedule dates accordingly.
From my own dating experience, I find for a first date with a stranger, one hour in a quiet but public place was enough.
Please note, this does not mean you would never compromise and do something more extroverted with your date. However, you need to respect your own energy limits and communicate them kindly and clearly.
5) Consider eHarmony.
For all my Christian introvert friends I specifically recommend eHarmony. Based on my own experience with Christian online dating services, eHarmony is head and shoulders the best. The depth of questioning they go into to find appropriate matches is unparalleled. They also do not use the “shopping cart approach” to online dating. You only get to see profiles of people who are very closely matched to you. There is no browsing through pages and pages of pictures which can attract more superficial connections. The way it is oriented is to get deep connections from the beginning.
For Christian introverts, this type of dating experience is a low-stress and high yield way to meet quality Christian dates.
6) Have fun exploring your interests and spiritual gifts.
Do what you love! Serve at the church in ministries, play the sports you love, go on missions trips, take that painting or cooking course. You will meet many new people through these avenues. People interested in similar things to you may make great dating partners.
7) Respectfully communicate your needs and limits to your date.
When you are dating an extrovert this is even more important. However, even introverts have different needs for alone time, so be sure to communicate proactively. If you are dating an extrovert, make sure they understand your need for time alone is not a sign of a problem with you or the relationship.
8) Consider planning dates that are introvert-friendly.
Here are some of my favorites.
- Quiet coffee shop
- Quiet restaurant
- Museum walking date
- Patio area in a public park
- Mini-putt during non-peak times
- Walking date at a city botanical garden
- Active date in nature doing something like skating or rollerblading
- Art gallery tour
- Bookstore visit
- Picnic in the park
9) Drive yourself to first dates or group events.
Until you are sure the person you are dating will be able to leave with you when you are ready to go, it is a good plan to have your own transportation. That way when your introvert energy tanks you can make a respectful but prompt escape.
10) Accept and celebrate your introversion.
Do not let anyone minimize or belittle you for being what is a normal personality trait for half the world! Be ok with your introvert needs and do not be afraid to speak up about your needs in dating.
This post covers 10 Christian dating tips for introverts. It describes how Christian introverts can meet quality dates. The article also gives tips on how to make dating a less stressful experience for Christian introverts.
Please Let Me Know
Are you an introvert as defined above? How has dating been for you? Have you learned any other tricks for dating while introverted as a Christian? Please leave me a comment below. Thank you!
Do This Too
If you enjoyed this post please share using the buttons below. Also, consider subscribing if you would like a monthly email with resources to help build you up in your faith.